Today’s Topic & What You’ll Learn
- What your Love Cup is and why it’s important for every relationship
- The 5 different Love Languages with book reference and why they are important
- How to find your love language and some examples
- Ways to incorporate these Love Languages into your relationships
- What happens if you struggle to fill your Love Cup and how to fix it
Have you ever decided you wanted to clean your house for someone and worked really hard all day? After they come home they don’t even notice or say anything and you feel insulted? Maybe you don’t get to spend much time with a loved one, friends or family and really miss connecting with them and feel so alone? What if you were watching a movie with your spouse/partner and they get up to get a drink for themselves and don’t check in with you if you need something? Maybe on a special
So what are these Love Languages I am talking about if you haven’t heard about them already? Well, thankfully there are only have five of them. Knowing what each of them
What Are The 5 Love Languages?
Words of Affirmation
- WYou want someone to tell you how great of a job you are doing. You want people to compliment you. This is where words speak louder than actions. When you are Words of Affirmation you will find giving people praise and compliments come very natural to you. A downside to being Words of Affirmation, the wrong words can literally feel like a slap in the face. You may find you react more quickly and may find others telling you “that’s not what I meant”.
- This is NOT sitting on a couch watching TV together. This is undistracted and complete attention to the other person. Going out to dinner and having great conversations, going for walks and talking about your day, having family dinners, or even travelling together without technology interruptions are some great examples of Quality Time. If your Love Language is Quality Time, you will want someone in your life who is willing to sacrifice going out with others to be with you instead. You won’t likely be one for wanting much space.
Acts Of Service
- You want people to do things for you. I personally am Acts of Service and the best way I can describe it is I would love to have servants. Having someone get you a drink, making your food, doing chores or helping out a lot are a few things I personally desire. If you are Acts of Service, you may find yourself enjoying doing things for others as well.
- This doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be sexual. For some people who are Physical Touch it does, but most of the time just holding hands, cuddling on the couch, or even giving hugs is satisfactory to them.
- GYou want people to buy things for you. You do NOT need it to be a special occasion. Any day will do, you just really want STUFF! If your Love Language is Gifts, then you probably like to get gifts for others as well.
Okay, so we talked about The Love Languages. Why would it matter if we know what they are? Because every person has their own way they want to be shown appreciation or the way they “feel” loved. This is known as Your Love Cup! Plus it can make your job as a parent/partner SOOOOOO much easier!
My oldest daughter, who is 7, is Acts Of Service and Gifts. She is the type of child that would love everything done for her and she feels most loved when we buy her gifts on a regular basis. When she is older, this is almost the worst combination you can have in my opinion. She will need someone who is willing to do things FOR her often and continually give her gifts. Oh boy! Had I not known these were her Love Languages, I would have thought she was a lazy child who wants to be spoiled all the time. This is so not the case. This is how she “feels” the most love.
My youngest daughter, who is 5, is Quality Time and Physical Touch. Even though she is 5 she always wants to be picked up, to sit on your lap after you are done eating supper, so cuddle during movies. She also asks for time alone with each of us. She loves to talk about her day and have amazing conversations. She enjoys going to the parks, but we have to be with her. She doesn’t like to be alone either, so bedtime we sit with her for a longer period of time. Solitude is the worst for kids with this Love Language. When I didn’t know her Love Language, I would get upset she always wanted up and was so clingy. Now I know this is how she “feels” the most loved and I can make sure she is running on FULL as often as I can. Don’t get me wrong, this can be exhausting and we do have limits, but we do our best.
Another Example for Adults – If your partners Love Language is Words of Affirmation and Quality time and you come home with a gift. You give that gift to your partner and they ask, “What is this for?” and you tell them, “I was in the store, saw it, and just thought I’d get it for you.” That will not likely make your partner feel loved. As much as we would think a random gift would make them happy, which it may to an extent, if this is not their Love Language, the reaction you are expecting will likely not be there. Instead, we could tell them how much we missed them all day. Tell them how we really appreciate what they do for us, etc. Or, on the Quality Time side of things, we could ask them to go for a date to dinner and let them know you will be making sure you would be undistracted so you can focus on them. This will allow you to create a strong bond between you and the other party because now you know how to make them feel loved and/or appreciated.
Finding Out Your Love Language – In the book The 5 Love Languages, there is a quiz in the very back that will allow you to determine what Love Language you are. If you are male and worried about reading a book with a purple cover, Gary Chapman was amazing and made The 5 Love Languages for Men. This one is a nice blue colour and specifically refers to the man taking care of the lady. Once you take the quiz, you will know your Primary Love Language and what one is secondary. You will want to discuss this with your partner, family, etc so they know how you are most likely to feel appreciated and loved. Honestly, this helps SO much when they try to make you happy and
There is a reason why there are books written about
If you are single….there is The 5 Love Languages – Single Edition
What Am I Talking About When I Refer To A Full Love Cup? You can do this with anyone. I’ll use the example of my relationship. As my husband is a mechanic, he will sometimes come home and I can tell he is a little frustrated or he had a really long day.
Me: So how was your day?
Hubby: (He will tell me how his day went.) If his day didn’t go very well and he seems a little down…..
Me: On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your Love Cup at?
Hubby: Probably a 7 or so….
Me: What can I do to make it a 10. (Here is the interesting part….sometimes, we won’t have the option to get them to a 10 because their day was really horrible. But we always want to do what we can)
Hubby: I’d love to go for a walk and just talk, if that’s okay?
Me: Of course!
Once you have fulfilled their request, if reasonable, you can re-evaluate. Re-ask the question if their Love Cup is full yet. If it isn’t, find out what else they want. The goal here is to try to get it as close to 10 as possible. Keep in mind, the other party should be doing the same thing in return. They will need to ask YOU what your Love Cup is at and how they can “top-it-up” if needed.
It’s literally that simple. You can do this anytime, any day, anywhere. As soon as you can tell someone isn’t 100% themselves, you can use this as an opportunity to make their Love Cup a 10! When our Love Cups are full, sometimes also referred to as Love Tanks, we are able to be the best we can be because we are so happy, content and feel fulfilled!
If you do struggle getting your Love Cup full, you may need to talk about what some of the issues are. Example: Depressions, anxiety, etc. These could be more chemically induced and it could be a struggle to ever feel like your Love Cup is full. However, once you determine the power of Love Languages and put them to practice on a daily basis with everyone around you, and ensure you are trying to keep your Love Cup full, you will feel absolutely amazing! This also goes both ways. If you are feeling like your Love Cup is lacking, talk to someone about it that could help. Are you just looking for a listening ear? Reach out to a friend to talk to. Do you feel there is something missing in your relationship? Do you need more help around the house? Talk to the person that could help make you feel loved and appreciated.
As mentioned in my previous Blogs, if you struggle opening up and talking about what is bothering you, you can refer to my Conversations Without Arguments Are Possible with the Mama Robbins Technique of an NJT that can guide you on how to effectively have these talks.
I hope learning more about the Love Languages allows you to understand how others, your children and even yourself feel appreciated and loved. Again, you can refer to the 5 Love Languages Books that will go into WAY more detail and really help you grasp the concepts.
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