Mama Robbins
I am pleased to say, I’m back and I want to thank all of my followers for continuing to read my previously posted materials. It’s been almost a year since my last post as I was headed back to work full-time. Now, we hit the cycle again as the Robbin’s Family is expecting…….wait for it…. BABY NUMBER FIVE!!!! Say what????!!!!
I know, I know. Do I really need another one? Well no, but why not! I tell people I am literally growing my retirement plan as I don’t believe our pension plans will be available come due time, so one of my kids can house me…..right? Hehe.
Anywho, on with what you came here to learn. Successful strategies to help you with co-sleeping!
Modern Day Parenting
There are thousands upon thousands of books and videos that will tell you what you should or should not be doing. Problem is, how do you know what is actually right? My answer, your gut! Trust your gut.
I know so many moms, including myself that struggle with the daily battle of knowing where to look, who to listen to. The famous unsolicited advice from your neighbour, the other daycare mom that overheard your struggles, or a family member saying “Back In My Day”. Sounding familiar? It’s nice they want to help…it’s great to read all this information, but at the end of the day you feel so lost and helpless because you have NO IDEA what you should be doing.
Plus, let’s add the ideal of sleeping alone! Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of people out there this is bliss. But some of us struggle even as adults, including myself, to sleep alone all night. So why do we expect our new babies and infants too? They have been in our womb, warm and cozy with every need met. To come into this world so loud, bright, and cold. Why would they not want our undivided attention and constant touch? Don’t even get me started if your child’s “love language” is physical touch.
But what if I told you none of that matters. The only thing that matters is what YOU feel is right. You may be asking, so how do I know what is right? Simple. Here is how.
What’s Right For YOU?
Modern-day parenting tells you a baby should be able to soothe itself to sleep. Not to pick up the baby as soon as it cries. To let it “cry it out”. Modern day parenting tells you “not to spoil the baby”. So, after a bunch of research you try this method and every time your baby cries you ache inside. You hurt for your baby. You just want to run to them, pick them up and snuggle them to sleep instead. Guess what – your gut just told you what to do. The “CIO Method” is not for you.
How do I know this?
Back when my oldest daughter was an infant, today she is 10, I tried the CIO Method with both her and her sister. Why? Because that is what everyone was telling me I should do. So, I would put her down for bed after a great bedtime routine (by the way if you don’t have a bedtime routine, create one), and she would resist. No matter what I tried. The only thing that got her to fall asleep was me being in her room the whole time, or letting her cry.
At first, I did the two to three minutes and go back in. Slowly increase the time before I would go back in. Eventually making it to 15-20 minutes. At which point, yes she fell asleep. It worked! Right?
Sure?… … …? She learned that after crying for a long time, mommy was not going to come for her. I learned that I hated the sound of my daughter crying for me, just wanting to be picked up and loved and snuggled. Nighttime was dreadful. This period took three weeks before she would go in her crib and fall asleep on her own. But she was only 5 months old. I was so heartbroken.
With my second daughter I tried the same method, but waited a little longer to try the CIO. She was around eight months old. The same process. After about three weeks she was sleeping through the night. Does this mean it was successful?
My heart broke daily for three weeks. It was horrible and I told myself thereafter I would never do that to any other kids again. Why? Because, sure at this point they sleep through the night on their own, but the stress they went through. The stress dad and I went through to fight the urge to go save her was unbearable and I can still feel the hurt today.
What Do I Do?
You need to understand I have no issues with the cry it out method. However, there are a few things that are important to note. A baby does not possess the ability to “soothe itself to sleep” until around the age of one. Yes, you read that right. Age ONE. Now…..is that a long time for you to have to go to every beck and call? Yes! Yes it is. But the emotional bond, the sense of security you are creating in that first year is priceless.
So what do you do if you “can’t take it anymore”? Let’s face it, trying to address every cry is hard work. It’s emotionally draining and don’t think I haven’t had a moment of “I don’t want to be a mom anymore” because I absolutely have. It wears you thin! But when you have that “I’m done” moment, THEN you can let them cry a little. Take a you moment, collect yourself, and try again. (There is so much I can talk about when it comes to breaking down and wanting to give up, but that’s for another day)
Care It Out Method
Another option that is picking up trend these days is the Care It Out Method. You can actually follow Kelly Secker | Sleep Consultant on Instagram who currently has over 33,000 followers and has a whole profile of ways to “care it out” with baby. She is an absolute inspiration to my family and I am glad she is part of my social community.
With the Care It Out Method you tend to your babies needs much more often. You don’t let them cry for long, you invest a lot more time with baby, but the end result is a calmer and happier baby.
How do I know this?
My last two sons, Rylan who at this time is almost three, and Christian who just turned one, have basically been sleeping with dad and I since day one. Now, Rylan was out of our bed for a while around age 18 months because Christian was on his way and I didn’t want to have two babies in my bed. So we slowly transitioned him over to his own room and own bed and no issues at all! Yay. (Again, transitioning is another topic all together)
Christian has been sleeping with us since he was born, and I don’t think there has been a night he has been in his crib the whole time. Usually he will pass out on a family member, then we slowly put him in his crib. Around 10:30pm daily he will wake up and then we take him to our bed as we all sleep together. I find he sleeps more soundly, wakes up chipper, and I find he has less separation anxiety than my girls did when leaving him. This is because the bond of security has been created so strongly.
Benefits of Co-Sleeping
There are so many benefits to co-sleeping, but the biggest one of all is the better sleep quality for parents and baby.
When we sleep with our children, they know we are right beside them. Ever try to put your baby to sleep at night and even though you decided to stay in their room and cherish the moment of watching them sleep they pop up and look around to see if you are still there? This doesn’t happen with co-sleeping because they know you are there for them. They don’t have to worry about you leaving. But when you do, they know you are coming back. This creates less stress for parents, less stress for baby, and an overall better sleep for everyone!
A few other beneifts:
- Ease for breastfeeding moms
- Long term emotional health
- Ability to help soothe them back to sleep with less disturbance
- Newborns will have better rhythm to their breathing
How much does it disturb your sleep when your child is sleeping in another room and they wake up just after you crawl into your bed then you have to get up and go tend to them? If they are having a bad night, you may get up anywhere from three to nine or more. It’s exhausting, stressful and I bet your mood come morning is a little on the rough side. Especially when the good ol’ sleep regression comes in. Which, let me point out happens once every two to three months. Yay?
Sleep Regressions & New Patterns
A few months ago my older son Rylan started waking frequently in the night from his own room. He was doing so well. But all of a sudden he was waking three to eight times a night and the second he realized one of us was no longer in his room he would come out and ask for us. (keep in mind he is only 2.5) He would not go back to bed unless someone stayed with him.
I figured this may be a sleep regression as 2.5 is a normal occurrence so I remembered this should only last a few weeks. Well, one night Rylan decided to come into our room and hop into our bed – thus, team sleep was created for the four of us as baby Christian was already taking of the centre of our bed.
Kids are going to go through sleep regressions. They don’t usually last for long, but this is when habits are created due to the change in their sleep. My route, why not let wee man in the bed too.
Now, fast forward four months, Rylan will go to bed in his own room, but he will wake around 10:30 or 1am and come into our room to sleep the rest of the night. I am okay with this for now because I know this is temporary.
Setting Expectations
One thing I can not express is super important is talking with your partner and setting expectations. Right now my husband and I take the ends of the bed and the two boys sleep in the middle. This is our expectation to ensure the kiddos don’t go falling off in the middle of the night. Plus, I’m 7.5 months pregnant right now and my frequent getting up to pee is something that needs to be accommodated. I’m definitely not crawling over anyone at this stage.
Discuss who will get up to do diaper changes, bottles, or walk around with the baby if there is frequent waking anyways.
Communication is key to any successful relationship. Co-sleeping is no different.
I’m A Light Sleeper, I Can’t
The biggest adjustment for co-sleeping was getting used to someone else being in the bed. I wake up to EVERYTHING! They sniffle, I wake up. They move, I wake up. Needless to say, I was lucky if I could get three hours of sleep a night with all the movement happening in a bed with four of us. But guess what….overtime, yes it may take a while, you get used to it.
However, when the kids are sick, this is a different story. We want to keep them more separate so my husband and I will split the kids to sleep better. He will go sleep with Rylan, the older son, in his room, while I stay with baby in our bed. Talk with your partner about what works best for you.
What About The Kinky Stuff?
Okay. So a big dilemma with your sex life depending how serious you are about this. Be prepared it may take a bit of a hit. But the solution isn’t to stop playing around, you just need to be creative or come up with a solution.
Chances are it just may have to happen somewhere else or you may need to be specific with your time. Alternatively, you can have a Date Night where the kids are at a sitter’s. Whatever you need to do to find the time.
You’ll Need More Space
Honestly, this is a big one because a lot of people only have a double bed. With adding kids and if you already have animals it may seem impractical. Though it may not be a solution for you, investing in a bigger bed will be crucial. We went from a double to a king and it was the best decision we made. Financially it was not the easiest thing to do, but it allowed us to continue parenting the way that worked best for us.
The Realty…
The reality is, they won’t be small forever. It’s very unlikely they will be 16 years old and need to sleep in your bed all the time. Yes, it is a sacrifice we take for the duration of their small years. Yes, some kids take much longer to grow out of it, but the time you will have together, the stronger bond you create will be worth it!
Until Next Time – Follow Me on: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Youtube!
Sincerely,
Mama Robbins
